Archbishop Jonathan Blake

The Most Reverend Jonathan Blake, Presiding Archbishop of the Open Episcopal Church B.A. (Hons), Dip. Pastoral Studies. Bishop's Haven, 105 Danson Crescent Welling DA16 2AS U.K. Mobile: 07767 687711 www.bishopjonathanblake.com bishopjonathanblake@ntlworld.com www.openepiscopalchurch.org www.twitter.com/bishopjonathan The Church is a member of The International Council of Community churches and the World Council of Churches. Married and a proud Dad.

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Location: London, Kent, United Kingdom

Gassed in Tehran, seized in Kabul, helped Mother Teresa, almost murdered, raised £300,000, ordained 1981, street sleeper, pilgrim to Auschwitz, Kenya + Pakistan 4 peace, began 1st inter-faith NHS chapel, wrote text on Parliament, arrested, relinquished his 12 year Anglican post 2 be independent, baptised 1000's in homes, on Mt Snowdon + in circus ring, did wedding underwater, wrote ‘For God’s Sake Don’t Go To Church’, nailed 95 Theses to Canterbury cathedral, arrested, co-founded the Society for Independent Ministry, was consecrated a bishop, co-founded the Open Episcopal Church, did 1st gay wedding on prime time TV, sued Associated Newspapers 4 defamation, co-consecrated 1st women bishops 4 England. Wales + Scotland, accommodated the homeless, took Mass 2 sex workers + posted it, elected Archbishop, arrested 4 taking kids on roof, not charged, founded ‘When No One’s Watching', became an ICV, did Jade Goody's wedding , invited 2 Downing St, wrote 'That Old Devil Called God Again', arrested 4 times campaigning against child abuse, had harassment conviction quashed on appeal, appealing a conviction for breaches of restraining order 2 stop a paedophile

Friday, February 14, 2014

SAID SATAN THESE HUMANS ARE DELICIOUSLY STUPID

Said Demon,

This Jesus guy is trouble.

He doesn't keep the rules. He speaks the truth. He shatters those safe religious beliefs we so carefully put in place.

Says Satan,

He's slipped up though. Was stressed, not thinking perhaps, too full of wine . He took this bun, tore it,  passed it round.  Said when you eat together, when I've gone, cos the shits soon going to hit big style, remember me yea...

Said Demon,

So where's the glitch?

Said Satan,

I'm automating the system. I can see it now. Oh I'm gonna make that bun into millions of tiny confetti wafers that I'm gonna scatter around the world.

I can see queues of brainwashed humans with their hands stretched out believing that our fellow workers have bagged the access to Jesus, that they keep him in jail in their churches and distribute him to their robotic devotees.

Said Demon,

But it won't work, even humans aren't that gullible surely.

Said Satan,

Oh but they are, so deliciously stupid. Let me show you just how stupid Demon.

Let the fingers that pass over these wafer bits of Jesus be covered in distress.

Said Demon,

What do you mean?

Said Satan,

Let's force our fellow workers to be celibate. Let's ensure they are scourged by loneliness and frustration, that their humanity is deprived. Let's drive them wild with need so that they prey upon the children, beat them, and sexually abuse them. Let's allow their only intimacy to be with each other, so that they can scurry to dark corners for intercourse. Oh yes, and for those who can't keep our contorted rules and have affairs that lead to pregnancy, let them pay for the abortions and issue the threats of divine judgement should any of their women spill the beans as they have their seed.

Said Demon,

But the people will surely stop queuing for Mass when all this is discovered.

Said Satan,

Oh you have much to learn. Even if the fingers of the priests have the semen of their abuse, the faeces from their intercourse or the blood of abortions on them, they will still come, because the priests have the body of Jesus under lock and key and the gullible are desperate to get him. So gullible in fact that they won't allow the police near to investigate.

Said Demon,

But it's too obvious a lie. People won't swallow it.

Said Satan,

They will be coming to swallow it in their droves.

Said Demon,

But why when Jesus isn't there.

Said Satan,

When God visits no one realises, except just a very few, a very annoying few, but no worry, we can make sure they are always branded trouble makers, blasphemers, satanists and get them crucified.....




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